Why I don’t want to go to heaven

So, okay. I’ve had this blog for like a month now, I guess, and so many people have read it already. Anna begs me everyday that I have to write new stuff, but hey, I have so little time! It’s stoopid, because when I go to work, loads of people are saying: “Hi Imme, nice blog!” and I’m like: “What? Oh.. thankyou.” As in, note to self: do not write bad stuff about person again. Not that I don’t like a lot of people reading my blog, but I might get fired if my boss reads the blog about work. I don’t think he will, though.
I’m so going to hell. I am truly evil, though I might seem sweet on the outside. In real person, I strangle my boyfriend till he eventually dies, I don’t study for tests and drink hot chocolate too much. But you know, I will see all my friends again in hell, so that’ll be fun. Heaven must be pretty boring, because WHO ACTUALLY GOES THERE? Except for angels and Xandra. Everybody is evil. That’s why it’s going to be fun in hell, loads of friends, though it must be hot there. I don’t mind, I will get tanned and you stoopid angels will not! In hell you can also just say words like ‘God’ and ‘Jesus’, because the devil doesn’t really care. He also wears Prada, which means that he’s fashionable. That will be a nice subject to talk about.
Heaven, as I said earlier, will be pretty boring. Yes, there is light, and yes, there are clouds, but clouds usually don’t do good, right? Clouds mean rain and storm and snow and cloudyness. So when we’re dancing around fires in our summery dresses, you good people are all soaking wet! BWAHA. I’m sorry, but I laugh in the face of danger. [quote Simba #1]

Let’s say this differently: I’m not religious. I don’t think there is one God. And if there are people who go gasping and shouting all around now, please behave. If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s people trying to make others believe. Argh. You believe in something, or you don’t. That’s it, in my opinion. I believe in.. spirits and magic and nature. That sounds very witchy, but with magic I do ofcourse not mean wands and frogs. I can’t really explain it, but it feels like everything around us is magic. Simple things like the rain on my roof and the cosy sounds of it, or the dawn on the grass in the morning. Gosh, I’m such a philosopher now. Wew. I also think that I have supernatural powers. Like, honestly, don’t laugh at me, because I can do that myself. I am sometimes able to predict things though. Nice, aye? Witchy. Witches go to hell. I go to hell. I am one lucky person. And a difficult one. I realised that I don’t know what I want. It’s like I want peace and war at the same time, and it’s so hard to cope with. But hell, I’m only sixteen, I can manage. I have a whole life for me to understand myself and know what I really want, but not now. Now’s the time of innocent behaviour and not thinking too much. Goodday.